Post by Lillian on Feb 23, 2008 18:00:38 GMT -5
I am truely disgusted by the amount of rumours that have been floating around in the Vampiric Crypt lately. In all honesty, I find myself incapable of coming online without fear of being yelled at, persecuted, or hit with drama.
I am not going to call out anyone on this matter, because it is past and resolved. But the fact that they have happened is disturbing enough.
These past few weeks, I have been feeling rather stressed out for many personal inreallife reasons that I won't bring up. But even so, I still come online to roleplay with people. I know that I may not have been the cheeriest of people, even because of in character events and my worry for my character, but still. All drama that is going on in Lil's life is NOT connected to anything inreallife. It does remind me of a situation I once had, but other than that, it is entirely character development that I have been thinking through. She is now feeling better, and is willing to remain in the Crypt and carry on with her life.
But even so. I am not so sure if I, as a player, am willing to do so. The feeling of intensity and deceit that I feel vibrant around the Crypt is not something I think I can live with. I have always thought of these people, players and characters, as a family, and a family that I have enjoyed being a part of. But when that family starts turning on itself, losing members and falling apart, all pieces are affected.
Inreallife, I am an open and affectionate person. If something bothers me, I do not conceal it. As staff and two-year-standing frequenter of the dream, I should feel as though I can speak my mind here, as well. Yet I do not. I feel (and I express the thought that this is how I FEEL. This may not be how it is) as though I am unable to offer input. It is immediately shut down, unwanted, and unheard. So I never do put much input, but lock it all up in side. Which is not healthy, and is not right.
I am not saying that anyone has done any wrongs. This may be entirely my own doing, my own confusion. But still, I would have my voice be heard for WHOEVER is willing to hear it. And that I am willing to say it speaks a respect for all who may listen; at least I'm going to say something, try to fix things, rather than just give up. I respect you guys too much than to just give up.
I told Eny all of this. I told her I did not think I could take it. And she told me to try this. Try, she said. So here I am. I'm trying. And I'm glad she's willing to listen. I'm grateful to all the people who are willing to listen. It's a token that's often taken for granted. Not many people listen now-a-days.
I wish to make a difference, as I always have wanted to, in the Vampiric Crypt. I am willing to put in effort to do so. But I will not do so if it's not wanted.
Thank you for reading. Truely.
.:Lillian:.
I am not going to call out anyone on this matter, because it is past and resolved. But the fact that they have happened is disturbing enough.
These past few weeks, I have been feeling rather stressed out for many personal inreallife reasons that I won't bring up. But even so, I still come online to roleplay with people. I know that I may not have been the cheeriest of people, even because of in character events and my worry for my character, but still. All drama that is going on in Lil's life is NOT connected to anything inreallife. It does remind me of a situation I once had, but other than that, it is entirely character development that I have been thinking through. She is now feeling better, and is willing to remain in the Crypt and carry on with her life.
But even so. I am not so sure if I, as a player, am willing to do so. The feeling of intensity and deceit that I feel vibrant around the Crypt is not something I think I can live with. I have always thought of these people, players and characters, as a family, and a family that I have enjoyed being a part of. But when that family starts turning on itself, losing members and falling apart, all pieces are affected.
Inreallife, I am an open and affectionate person. If something bothers me, I do not conceal it. As staff and two-year-standing frequenter of the dream, I should feel as though I can speak my mind here, as well. Yet I do not. I feel (and I express the thought that this is how I FEEL. This may not be how it is) as though I am unable to offer input. It is immediately shut down, unwanted, and unheard. So I never do put much input, but lock it all up in side. Which is not healthy, and is not right.
I am not saying that anyone has done any wrongs. This may be entirely my own doing, my own confusion. But still, I would have my voice be heard for WHOEVER is willing to hear it. And that I am willing to say it speaks a respect for all who may listen; at least I'm going to say something, try to fix things, rather than just give up. I respect you guys too much than to just give up.
I told Eny all of this. I told her I did not think I could take it. And she told me to try this. Try, she said. So here I am. I'm trying. And I'm glad she's willing to listen. I'm grateful to all the people who are willing to listen. It's a token that's often taken for granted. Not many people listen now-a-days.
I wish to make a difference, as I always have wanted to, in the Vampiric Crypt. I am willing to put in effort to do so. But I will not do so if it's not wanted.
Thank you for reading. Truely.
.:Lillian:.
